“Everyone knows that the original Olympics… were all about watching naked men. Sure, it was a sporting event, but it was also a softly pornographic group voyeuristic tournament.”
In the ancient Greek Olympics all the the athletes competed naked. OMG those Olympics would be worth watching.
All the athletes were naked, competitively rubbing their muscly body parts together in a steamy arena while the throngs roared and gnashed their teeth with glee. As an added bonus, the athletes kept their penises tied to their bodies in a way that made them appear constantly erect! According to The Closet Professor:
[I]n order to protect their penis during wrestling matches and other contact sports, the men would tie a string around the tip of their foreskin enclosing their glans, thus keeping them safe. The kynodesme was tied tightly around the part of the foreskin that extended beyond the glans. The kynodesme could then either be attached to a waist band to expose the scrotum, or tied to the base of the penis so that the penis appeared to curl upwards.
via A Brief History of Homoeroticism (and Denial) in the Olympics.