So Long Lee, Baby I will Miss you!!!!
|Myself & Lee, My fav pic of us…|
Sorry it has taken me so long to post today. I received some bad news this morning. The last few days I have been up at my sister’s house outside of Sacramento visiting. This morning around 8 I received a call from one of my friends, stepmother. Like anyone who gets a call at that hour and from a parent, you know the news can’t be good. My heart sank the minute she said who she was…
She informed me that one of my longest and closest friends had taken his life. …To say that I am devastated is beyond what I can comprehend, is an understatement. As the words came from her mouth, I was having difficulty sorting out what she was saying. My head was in over drive and I was spinning. That is the best way to describe it. I am not going to dwell on all the details, actually there is not much, but let me just give you a brief synopses of my life with Lee…
We met when we were a mere 23 yrs old at a bar in Stamford Ct. called Art bar. Lee and I became fast friends. He was beautiful, hysterically funny and understood immediately my crazy brain. His laugh is something I will never forget. Even if someone said something not so humorous, just listening to his laugh would make you bust. Unfortunately like so many of us, he was not without his fair share of issuers, family, personal and addictions (the worst one of all).
Throughout our years of friendship, we had in creditable times. Happy ones, tearful ones and the ones that make you realize “baby, life goes on so go with it because you will just be left behind to wallow” and what is the fun in that? We had a lot of great life discussions. Where each of us currently were in life, where we wanted to be and where we actually hopped we would get too! When either one of our insecurities reared its ugly head, the other would squeeze the life out of that demon with a good old “ Bitch, hell no. You are better and stronger than that. Don’t let that whore win” And with that simple line, we would knock each other back into reality and “life would go on”….
In 1998, I was in a bad place emotionally. I told Lee or Leona as so gayly called him, that I was moving out to LA. I needed to get my life back on track. He jumped at the chance to go with me. So in June of that year we packed up his car with only our clothes, CD’s, no place to live and set off on a Journey I could have never made or imagined without him. It was truly my biggest life changing moment. We were both at a place in our lives where we were not just thirsting for change, it was more of, if we did not make change our souls would have died. To be sharing that with each other made it all the more incredible.
The two weeks we took to drive across this country was bar none the best adventure I had. Our motto was this “when you have nothing left, you have nothing to fear” And I believe those words were probably what was going through his mind last week….
Lee struggled with drug addiction over the last five years and believe me it was tough. Dealing with and trying to help him is something I will never forget and worth every minute of pain. Although, during these last three years he was sober. Unfortunately he relapsed last week and could no longer see a future of fighting this disease. I am not mad at him, nor do I say “well if he just called me” Or obsess about all the things one wishes they could have done but did not get the chance to, because I feel that if he felt he had to go to a place where he could achieve the peace he needed, a life void of a pain, one this life could not give him, then he had to go. There was no stopping him…But am I heartbroken? There are no words. I just know that the fight for him is now over and he is finally having the peace he so desired and deserved….
A weeks ago I got a text from Lee and it said “Just want to tell you, I am so glad you are in my life, love you”
You were a true soul an incredible heart and friend everyone whishes they could have…
So baby, I miss you so much. And will forever feel your love inside me as I know you will mine. Thanks for letting be a part of your life. I will always see the world in a different way because of the things that you’re truly pure heart taught and showed me. I just selfishly wish you could have been here to walk through it with me. But I know that every time I see something, you will be seeing it too and you will be forever watching over me until we see each other again at that big gay bar in the sky….